Thoughts

So I've been a busy boy lately. I've been working with my new band, Run The Sky Is Falling, learning songs and looking for gigs. I have been doing the P90X program, working full time, serving as 1st counselor in the Bishopric, playing in a rec. softball league, all while trying to be a husband and father. With all this, I still feel there is something missing in my life. Anyone who knows me on a personal level knows that I'm not getting fulfillment from my current employment. The company is great, there are some really great people that I work with, and it's so laid back. Some people would tell me I'm nuts for feeling this way, but I really dislike leaving my family to spend my days there. There's the option of asking for the ability of working from home, but I really don't want to bring that stuff into my home. I like the separation.



One thing I really would enjoy doing is getting involved in sports again. I've played basketball at many levels. High school, D-1, JuCo, ABA, and now church ball. I really think I need to get back into playing. I've had inklings since I've been getting back into shape, that it would be fun to try to be the oldest rookie in the NBA. I'm not counting that out, but I'm not banking on it either. I would love to try my hand at coaching high school basketball. I had an opportunity fall apart for some reason, and I wish I knew how to get it back. I was slated to be the coach of the sophomores in a spring fling tournament for Hillcrest High School, my Alma Mater. For some reason, I never got the details of the league, and the time has come and past. I was so excited. I had spent hours studying the flex and triangle offenses. I was excited to be able to work with youth. I was excited to share my knowledge and talents with the game of basketball to others. I looked forward to motivating people. To help them see the greatness within themselves, on and off the court. I have not given up on that goal. I will coach, mark my words.



I am not the type who should be sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day. I need to be active, moving, interacting with other people. At the moment, I sit in a corner, fairly secluded from everyone. I sit and listen to music, send emails, and take phone calls all day long. That is not something that brings me happiness in life. I get no fulfillment. Most of my interactions are over email. I never see the result of the work I do. I never get to see the people I work closely with. I never get kudos for my work. Add on to that, I have not received a raise, not one cent, for 3 years now. I know times were hard, but our company actually grew in that time. So it irks me that I have received nothing for my work.



In other areas, I have found great enjoyment. I have always loved music, I listen to it often, I play it often, and I even try to create it myself. Music has a great power in my life. It brings emotions and memories in an instant. My ultimate musical goal is to write a song that has that power in someone else's life. I love music.



As Liselle and I approach our 8th wedding anniversary this month, I have had many thoughts, especially about this past year. They say the 7th year is the hardest, and by comparison, ours probably wasn't as hard as many. We had ups and downs. Moments of uncertainty, moments of fear, moments of worry. But through those moments we were able to discover some very important truths. Many hours have been spent in prayer and deep thought. Things have been pondered in the Lords house, and the sweetness of the Spirit extended to us both. I know that things have a purpose. I know that Heavenly Father can, and does, give specific answers to prayers. I know He knows what is best for us, and that as we receive answers, He knows the timeline of when those blessings will be given.



Knowledge is a tough thing. To have certain knowledge, but not know when it is to come to pass can be a great trial of faith. I've had moments where I have second guessed what I had felt, where I wondered if I had made it all up in my mind. Every time I had those thoughts come, I would pray, or a thought would come to my mind, and I would get those chills that only the Spirit can bring. Did I waiver again? Yes I did. Did the answer ever change? No it did not. Even though the fruits of that answer have yet to come, I know they will. When? I have no idea, other than the feeling I've had all through this... Soon. What do I do to pass the time? I just take it all one day at a time, but that doesn't prevent me from having that thought in the back of my mind. We just have to roll with what life gives us, and keep the faith that when we receive answers to things that we cannot directly influence, that He will take care of it when it is the right time.